Home from Home

How important is place?
Let’s start with where we live. What type of a place? A flat, a house? A hostel? A log cabin? Or perhaps – recently becoming a more popular choice – a houseboat? And what about the furnishings, the pictures on the walls, the appliances, the outdoor space? And that big, big issue: location?

Obviously, they’re all extremely important. Where and how we live is a major indicator of who we are, how well we’re doing, our preferences – town or country? city or suburbs? – our taste, our style, what we can afford.

For many today, the question of a place to live is a matter of sheer survival, even in wealthy countries like the UK. Hard to believe that homelessness is an issue when properties are being bought and sold for tens of millions of pounds, but savagely true all the same.

Where we make our home is just one example of the importance of space. Anyone who runs their own business know that the right base can be the key to success or failure. Shops, restaurants, schools, theatres – they need to be in certain areas where the people they want to attract can find them. We therapists have other factors to consider as well.

Recently, I found myself unexpectedly having to look for a new base for my own practice. The very central, very comfortable and convenient consulting room I had used for almost a decade was abruptly no longer available. As I scoured the web for suitable rooms, many questions arose, questions I had not had to ask myself for a long time.

Top of the list, was the ambience of the therapeutic space. I remember once, when my main client group consisted of inmates in a London prison, a therapist who had also worked with offenders told me that on occasion she had carried out sessions in the equivalent of a broom cupboard (prisons aren’t, generally speaking, therapeutically friendly institutions) and they’d been good sessions too. I take my hat off to her, but I knew without a doubt there was no way I could work in a bleak or comfortless setting.
And attractiveness and comfort alone are not the whole story. The vibe has got to be right, too.

In an early Carlos Castanada book, the central character, while wandering the New Mexico desert to experiment with mind-expanding cactus plants and shamanic experiences (you see the therapy analogy!) he is warned by his guide, an old pueblo Indian, that the place one decides to stop for the night must be carefully chosen. If it is the right place, you will be safe; the wrong place, and you could find yourself in extreme danger. That resonated with me. I only have to look back on places where I’ve lived and worked – some beautiful and extraordinary, some far from fabulous -and I can see a clear pattern: the one’s that were right for me and the one’s that I somehow suspected – no matter how good they looked on the surface – that weren’t; and how each of them impacted on my life.

Miraculously, I found my new consulting space in just over a week. Within one more week, I was seeing clients there. It is different. Instead of having a room that is my own unique domain, I now share rooms with others in a thriving and popular therapy centre. So, a real change – and I have changed also. I have had to adapt.  At the start, I continually had to negotiate the time slots I needed for the week ahead. I had to make sure I protected my clients’ session spaces, and this became a focus of my work that previously did not exist.

I have now, happily, been allotted my own set room, days and times. But this added task and responsibility, this interaction with the reality of constantly creating space, was an experience that opened me up, energised me. Sometimes it felt like a real hassle, but it always worked out in the end. The people at the Centre were genuinely helpful and understanding, and they welcomed us. Now there is a new dynamic in the way I work, and I feel my practice has entered a whole new phase.

Being forced to move is not a prospect anyone relishes. But without that experience, I might not have known – except theoretically –  how much my approach to my practice, and to my clients, is affected by setting. Sometimes we need to move without realising it. A place that once seemed so perfect can turn into a dangerous comfort zone, and suddenly it is not the right place any longer.
I now see the process of having to leave my previous, much appreciated room as an exciting gift, presenting me with a range of new possibilities, and I am truly thankful for it.

 

Talking Therapy

Hello, and welcome to my new blog.

It’s been in the planning for a while, and now my new website is up and running – if still something of a work in progress – I’m keen to be getting started with my posts. Mainly, it’s a blog for people who are in therapy, who are therapists themselves, and for anyone who’s interested in, or seriously considering, psychotherapy or counselling.

Because therapy is an important step and a big commitment – money-wise, time-wise, and effort-wise. In my posts I’m going to be talking about how therapy works, what it means to be a therapist, how it feels to be a client, and the results that can be achieved.

As a therapist, I’ve spent many years seeing the effect of therapy and counselling on my clients – individuals, couples, groups, and organisations. And I’ve experienced the impact of personal therapy on my own life. Being in therapy myself  has been the most important touchstone in terms of my own personal and professional development and growth. It has changed – or rather, helped me change – everything.

I’m looking forward to sharing some of my thoughts and reflections, and also the sheer fascination I have for this subject that I am so immersed in. Just as human beings are endlessly complex and fascinating, so is the subject of therapy.  Nevertheless, I expect from time to time I shall diverge from my main theme.   I’m interested in all aspects of human life and expression, in the arts, in sacred myth and symbols, the psycho-spiritual.  I’m a city dweller from birth who loves the country and the natural world, and all my life I’ve enjoyed encountering other cultures, other languages.

But, back to therapy.   To be a psychotherapist is, to me, a high calling – and a privilege. The trust my clients place in me, and the work we do together, is something I value hugely; and  to see the transformations that take place is the greatest reward imaginable.

So I dedicate this blog to them, my brave and adventurous clients; also, to my extraordinary and dedicated colleagues, who share the journey of study and training that takes so long and that we all come to realise will never end. And to you, who are just interested, or sceptical, or maybe a bit desperate and wondering if therapy could possibly help – in fact, especially you! Because once, I was in your position. Then I took the plunge, found a good therapist, and that was the opening – though I didn’t know it at the time – of a whole new chapter.  And so it may be for you…